Following my unforgettable graduation, my partner and I soon had to prepare for our move to Leeds. I’m doing a Master’s here in September but he received a job offer with a July start, so it all happened much quicker than expected. In spite of the stress it entailed, I’m grateful it happened this way as we were initially worrying about him finding a job in time. After a few tiring days, we finally unpacked and we’re now settling into our new home.
Though our life together is only just beginning, we’ve already noticed some hurdles that accompany not only moving in with a partner, but moving to a new city in the process. It’s certainly been a learning experience for me as I’ve never lived with a partner before, and I struggled with my past living situations. This caused me a bit of anxiety, but I’ve learnt that much of living with someone comes down to knowing the types of people we are, and adapting when necessary.
This post is going to walk you through five tips I’ve picked up that encompass both moving in with a partner, along with living in a new city.
1. Be mindful when packing
Due to a miscommunication, I discovered the night before moving that I’d have to take all my stuff in my car. This meant an extremely stressful morning trying to fit everything in my Polo, highlighting how much stuff I really have! I never thought I had that much as I only brought a small portion of my clothes to uni, but it’s so easy to accumulate random things over an academic year.
The lesson this taught me, is that you should only try to pack the essentials and think of how to handle the rest. If I’d had more time to work it out, I would have dropped things off at my parents’ house to pick up later, and sold or donated what I didn’t really need. It’s definitely a mistake I won’t repeat if we move again.
2. Work out systems that work for both of you
One of the hardest things about moving in with someone, in my opinion, is integrating your own ‘systems’ that complement the other person’s. In my case, I have a consistent bedtime routine that I’ve been emphasising due to my sleep problems, whereas Lewis is a night owl without a set routine. Our flat thankfully has two bedrooms, so we’ve agreed that he doesn’t come in during my routine, but we then chat until I properly go to bed.
This also applies to household chores, which can be a common source of conflict when cohabiting. This could change when I start uni, but I normally cook tea on days that Lewis works while he does it on days off. I also don’t mind cleaning while he’s at work, though it’ll be evenly shared when I’m at uni all day. I have questioned how this current system fits into my feminist values, but honestly, I’d expect him to do the same if I was working and he wasn’t! I also leave all the ‘manual’ tasks, like taking out the bins, to him, so I’d say it’s an equal partnership.
3. Sort out admin as soon as possible
Having to manage energy providers, registering to vote, changing GP and pharmacy, et cetera, is another annoying part about moving somewhere new. That’s why I suggest you do all of this as soon as you can to save yourself some angry letters further down the line. I fortunately had the smart idea of signing up to a new GP before the move, which saved a lot of hassle when we got here.
I also strongly advise this because more admin will inevitably come: soon-to-be students, for example, will have to officially enrol at university (and prove they’re exempt from council tax!) alongside getting to grips with a foreign academic environment. So, suffice to say, do all the boring bits from the get-go.
4. Get to know the new area
I’d only been to Leeds a handful of times before we moved, the first of which was last year. Moving house is hard in any case, but going from a tiny place like Lancaster to a major city I didn’t know? It was a lot. It was an even bigger shock for Lewis, who’d lived in Lancaster his entire life, compared to me since I at least come from a lively town. The easiest way to combat this, is by getting to know your area and locating your closest supermarket, post office, bus stop: the important places. That way, the area won’t feel so strange.
Since I have a fair bit of free time before term starts, I’ve luckily had the time to go on plenty of walks, which have made me better acquainted with our surroundings. As well, I already recognised important places in Leeds on our first city centre visit, making me realise that it isn’t as huge and intimidating as I thought; it’s only because it’s new!
5. Personalise your home
Moving into a new home feels so eerie because your things might all be there, but your brain can’t yet comprehend that, “You live here now. This is your home.” When the walls and shelves are empty, it can feel like living in a hotel, if not a ghost house! That’s why it’s essential to adorn the space with tiny bits of joy, which is down to personal taste. It could include candles, pictures, or even memories from your old home – like a gift from a family member. Anything that makes the home feel like yours.
Though I’m not great at keeping them alive, I love keeping plants in my room; they give me a sense of purpose and they’re alleged to increase mental clarity. I also have affirmations on my wall, such as “we live on a floating rock – don’t overthink it,” to uplift me when times are tough. And, as I mentioned in my article about whimsiness, I’m a chronic collector of trinkets, which are naturally dotted around the place! While it still hasn’t quite set in that this is our home, it’s little things like this that help.
As I said at the start, we’ve only just moved in with each other, so I’m sure we’ll learn plenty more along the way. However, there’s a reason these tips here are the ones that arose so quickly – they’re crucial! I also foresee a whole other skillset to learn when I start uni since I haven’t yet settled into what our routines will properly look like.
Either way, I hope you found some value in my observations. If you’re going to be moving in with your partner for the first time, be aware that it’s a change from living in separate homes. At the same time, be assured by the knowledge that any strong relationship can withstand the hurdles.
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