Before I started writing this, I reread the post I wrote this time last year to compare the way that I’m currently feeling. The one thing I can say with certainty, is that this year was better than 2024, even if still far from perfect. I’d say I’m still working through the effects of Geneva, but I know that no matter how bad I feel, it’ll never be as bad as when I was there.
I spent the first ten months of the year living at my parent’s house because I didn’t complete my year abroad. It was a long, and at times awkward, period, but it taught me to be okay with changing plans. I originally felt as though “everything was doomed” because I hadn’t completed my degree without issues like everyone said I would, but the experience taught me to accept any situation I found myself in.
In October, I made the big move back up to uni. The last time I’d lived in Lancaster was July 2024, over a year before, so I was anticipating how it would be. I was obviously imagining all the worst possible scenarios: I haven’t been at uni for that long that I will have forgotten how it works, I’m going to hate where I’m living, I’m not going to have any friends… It’d be a lie to say it’s all roses 24/7, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as my brain would have me believe. In fact, a secret blessing came that I hadn’t foreseen at all…
In the first half of the year, I’d had two unsuccessful relationships. They may have taken their toll on me, but I trusted the difficult emotions were only temporary. While obsessively planning my final year of uni and preparing for every possible situation, I decided that I wasn’t going to seek a relationship because I’d already have enough to worry about. When I moved into my house and realised there was no kettle, I went to Currys to buy one. I came out with a date, and now I have the loveliest boyfriend. Living proof that love comes when you least expect it.
I think that the amount I’ve changed in the past year-or-so has been astounding. I say this mainly in reference to the fact that I’m now far more organised, tidy and eager to get stuff done. I’m still not perfect by any means – I didn’t make my bed this morning – and I sometimes prioritise things unconventially, but I’m a far cry from the girl who used to do her coursework the night before, use her floor as her wardrobe and spend days doing nothing besides watching Netflix. I’d guess that my current state is partially fueled by my anxiety convincing myself that I’m constantly behind, but I still think I’m better than how I used to be.
Anxiety was a big ruler of my life this year, although my weekly sessions with a lovely therapist helped me to work through my thought patterns. I stopped seeing him when I started uni again, but I’ve recently started seeing a different online therapist because I still found myself getting overwhelmed. One of my goals for 2026 is to “work on my mental health”, which I’ve broken into smaller sub-categories. I’m trusting that this new therapist will help support me through that process.
I’ve set myself a few other goals for 2026. In terms of my academic career, I’m looking forward to the day I submit my dissertation. I felt anxious about starting it, but I bit the bullet a couple of days after Christmas and I’m really enjoying the process! I’ve now written 2,000 of the 10,000 words, but I’m actually finding it easier the more of it that I do. My supervisor is currently on annual leave, meaning that this is all without feedback, so I’m imagining it’ll only improve with his guidance. This is one small step towards my ultimate goal of graduating in 2026.
That leads neatly to the next chapter of my life: doing a Masters. I have three unis in mind, but I’m still unsure about whether I’d like to pick German up again if I have the chance. When I was younger, my mentality was*”I want to learn as many languages as I can”*, but that’s less of a priority for current me. I still love languages, of course, but studying their cultural aspects has made me realise I have interests beyond active language learning — my dissertation, for example, is centred around philosophy from a French perspective.
Speaking of which, another goal of mine for 2026 is that I’d like to read more philosophy. In my first year, I was once talking to a guy at a party about astrology, to which he very pretentiously told me that, “Astrology is just a watered-down version of philosophy. If you like astrology, you’d probably enjoy philosophy.” This piqued my interest but I assumed at the time that philosophy is hard to get into, which I still think it is, but I know bits here and there. I started learning about Buddhist philosophy last year, which really helped on my mental health journey in learning to accept the way things are. My next aim is to explore 20th-Century Western philosophers, of which I’m starting with some of the most well-known: Camus, Kafka, and Dostoevsky. I think that after that, the rest of my journey will unfold naturally based on what I enjoy.
I believe I finished 2025 having read 43 books. I’m not 100% certain as my journal with my book tracker is in Lancaster, but it’s definitely over 40, smashing my target of 20 out of the park. Even with this in mind, I’ve set my reading goal at 25 for this year. I wrote in my yearly reflection from 2024 that I’d rather surpass the goal than not be able to achieve it and feel bad about it, so I’m following a similar logic this year. I now have a Goodreads account to make tracking easier, and I’m looking forward to what I’ll get to read in 2026.
I have a couple of other goals which may come up in a future post, but I paradoxally believe there’s too much pressure around constant improvement, especially at the start of a new year. What this means for me, is that yes I have set myself goals, but I’m still kind to myself and don’t castigate myself for not necessarily achieving them all. I do have an interest in self-development, but I’ve learnt that it doesn’t look like the ‘aesthetic’ Pinterest posts, or making as much money as possible. It’s about small, realistic goals, tailored to you, not to what looks impressive, and most importantly, about your own happiness.
I recently read a quote that said: “You’re a human being, not a human doing.” So, slow down and let yourself be. If you haven’t started a business, learnt ten languages, or cured world hunger, that’s okay. We’re here to simply exist.
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